Chapter 9 - June Calls Me
I called June through the agency.
Not directly at first.
Denise arranged it.
June sounded nervous.
So did I.
“Hello.”
“Hi.”
Seven years of letters sat between two voices.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“For Evelina?”
“For not keeping the contact schedule properly after Mara died.”
A pause.
“I understood some of it.”
“Not all.”
“No.”
I appreciated that.
Then:
“Did Evelina tell you I wanted more contact?”
“She implied you were ready for a reunion.”
“I wasn’t asking for that.”
“I know now.”
“I don’t want to show up in Hattie’s life because another adult is angry.”
“Neither do I.”
June exhaled.
“I need you to know something.”
“What?”
“I have never wanted to undo the adoption.”
I closed my eyes.
“I know legally—”
“I mean emotionally.”
That was different.
“I chose Mara and you.”
She used Mara’s name easily.
“I chose you because you looked terrified in your profile photo.”
I almost laughed.
“What?”
“The agency sent profiles. Everyone else looked polished. You looked like someone had told you to smile and you resented it.”
“That sounds right.”
“Mara looked happy.”
“She usually was.”
June’s voice softened.
“I’m sorry she died.”
“Thank you.”
Then:
“I want Hattie to know I exist if that’s good for her. I don’t need her to call me Mom. I don’t need holidays. I don’t need proof she loves me.”
I looked at the adoption letters on my desk.
“What do you need?”
“To know she doesn’t grow up thinking she was unwanted.”
That was all.
I had delayed the conversation because I feared complexity.
June had been willing to live with complexity for seven years.
I felt small.
Before we ended, she asked:
“Is Hattie okay?”
“Physically, yes.”
“And otherwise?”
“She heard Evelina say ‘real mother.’”
June was quiet.
Then said:
“I hate that phrase.”
“Me too.”
“No. You need to hate it for the right reason.”
I waited.
“Mara was real.”
Her voice broke slightly.
“So am I.”
That became the sentence around which we rebuilt everything.
Not real versus fake.
Different relationships.
May you like
Both true.
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