Chapter 19 - My Counseling
Anger management was not what I expected.
I expected a room full of men being told to count backward from ten.
Instead, the counselor asked:
“What did the slap accomplish?”
I answered:
“It punished her.”
“Was punishment your legal role?”
“No.”
“Was Noah safe at that moment?”
“Yes.”
“Then what were you doing?”
“Making her hurt.”
There it was.
He nodded.
“Understandable?”
“Yes.”
“Necessary?”
“No.”
I hated him for being calm.
The work changed how I thought about masculinity.
I had grown up believing control meant being capable of overwhelming someone and choosing when.
Then fatherhood taught me another version.
Control can mean having every emotional reason to strike and still not turning violence into the next event your child witnesses.
I had failed that once.
I did not want to again.
My mother's violence belonged to her.
My slap belonged to me.
No balancing equation.
May you like
Two separate actions.
Two separate responsibilities.
