Chapter 11 - MY OWN GUILT
Finding a villain can become another way to avoid looking at yourself.
I learned that in therapy.
Lucinda lied.
Lucinda hid letters.
Lucinda manipulated both sides.
All true.
I also blocked Evelyn’s number during our last fight.
I did not unblock it.
I let my aunt mediate a marriage she had openly disliked.
I accepted “Evelyn wants space” without asking Evelyn.
I watched months pass.
Then more.
At some point a man stops being deceived only by lies and begins being deceived by his own preference not to reopen pain.
I preferred believing Evelyn abandoned us to admitting I had no idea what she wanted.
Anger gave me a complete story.
Uncertainty demanded action.
Then Lily.
I had noticed changes.
She stopped asking about her mother as often.
I called that healing.
Maybe it was resignation.
She became unusually quiet at formal family dinners.
I thought she was shy.
Lucinda had been teaching her where she belonged.
Greta later showed me notes she had kept.
“Miss Lily asks if mother can come Christmas.”
“Mrs. Lucinda says no discussion at table.”
“Miss Lily asks why Mommy not family.”
I had been at some of those dinners.
Not within hearing.
Still in the house.
Then I asked Lily one night:
“Did Aunt Lucinda ever make you work before?”
“Help.”
“Like what?”
“Carry napkins. Spoons. Bread.”
Normal tasks.
Then:
“Did she say you had to because of Mommy?”
“Sometimes.”
There.
I had seen Lily carrying bread baskets and thought it cute.
Context changes memory.
Then I apologized to my daughter.
Not for the entire adult disaster.
For one thing a four-year-old could understand.
“I should have noticed when Aunt Lucinda made helping feel mean.”
Lily thought.
“You take apron off.”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
Children accept repairs in smaller units.
Then Evelyn.
I apologized without mentioning Lucinda for the first five minutes.
“I should have called another way.”
“Yes.”
“I should have hired my own lawyer.”
“Yes.”
“I should not have let pride become a parenting plan.”
That made her look away.
Then:
“I should have come back.”
“Yes.”
Good.
Both.
May you like
No romance yet.
Accountability first.
