Chapter 21 - Victoria Learns to Say the Ugly Part
Therapy reports remained private except what she chose to share.
A year later Victoria asked Daniel if she could say something during a co-parenting session.
He agreed.
She said:
“I was afraid becoming Raffaele’s wife meant becoming responsible for everyone while still coming second to everyone.”
Daniel listened.
“I did that to you too.”
She looked at him.
“What?”
“During our marriage. I let parenting become your management job.”
Victoria’s eyes filled.
“That does not excuse what I did.”
“No.”
“I know.”
Then:
“I thought if Sophie lived with you more, she would be safe and loved.”
“Yes.”
“And I thought if Noah lived with Margaret, he would be safe and loved.”
“Yes.”
“I used safe adults to justify moving children out of my way.”
There.
That sentence mattered.
Daniel later repeated it to me with her permission.
Then Victoria said:
“I wanted a marriage where I was chosen first.”
Daniel asked:
“First over Sophie?”
Victoria cried.
“I didn’t phrase it that way in my head.”
“Now?”
“Sometimes yes.”
There.
Ugly.
Useful.
“Did you stop loving her?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“I wanted love without being needed all the time.”
That is not uncommon.
Parents can feel it.
The problem was expecting the child to disappear rather than negotiating care.
Victoria began rebuilding motherhood from that truth.
Not from:
I sacrificed everything because I love you.
Sophie would have detected the lie.
Victoria learned to say:
“I love you, and sometimes parenting overwhelms me. That is the adult’s problem to manage.”
Good.
No child should be asked to become smaller so a parent can breathe.
May you like
Adults find other oxygen.
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