Chapter 7 - What Lowri Believed
Miriam met Lowri without me in the room.
Later she gave me a parent summary.
“Lowri believes talking about Celia makes Thomasin sad.”
“Why?”
“Thomasin has told her some version of that.”
“What version?”
Lowri remembered:
“When you talk about Mommy all day, it makes it hard for people who are still here.”
Not monstrous on its face.
To a five-year-old:
Mommy hurts living people.
Another:
“Your dad deserves happy memories too.”
Again.
Lowri interpreted:
Daddy becomes unhappy if I show Mommy.
Then Beatrice:
“Families cannot live in the past.”
Lowri interpreted:
Mommy is past, so Mommy should go away.
Then:
“Thomasin is going to be part of our family.”
True if marriage happened.
But followed by:
“You need to make room.”
To an adult, emotional.
To a child, literal.
Make room.
Remove pictures.
Replace.
Miriam asked Lowri:
“Did anyone tell you to call Thomasin Mom?”
“No.”
Good.
“Did anyone ask?”
“Grandma says maybe someday.”
Thomasin?
“She says I can call what feels right.”
Good.
Then:
“But she makes face if I say Celia Mommy.”
There.
Subtle.
Maybe unconscious.
Still noticed.
Children are experts at facial weather.
Miriam said:
“This is not evidence of a coordinated attempt to make Lowri forget her mother.”
Important.
I wanted a clear villain.
She refused.
“It is evidence that several adults are communicating discomfort with Lowri’s memory behavior.”
“What do we do?”
“First, stop making memory behavior a battleground.”
Then:
“Restore choice.”
Lowri chooses which photographs.
Which objects.
How often she talks.
No forced album.
No forced memorial rituals.
No forced Thomasin relationship.
And:
“Alwyn, you need to separate your own grief from what she is allowed to express.”
That hurt.
“Have I stopped her?”
“Not deliberately.”
There.
The family’s failures were mostly deliberate from other people.
Mine lived in absence.
Silence.
Delegation.
Fatigue.
May you like
Still consequential.
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