Chapter 24 - Peter and Aaron
I visited Aaron’s grave less after the children came.
That sounds wrong.
It was healthy.
For first year I went monthly.
Apologized to stone.
“I should’ve listened.”
Again.
Again.
Again.
Eventually my therapist said:
“What do you expect him to do with apology?”
Nothing.
Then:
“What would honoring him look like?”
Believe children.
Be steady.
Not become him.
Not become opposite of Reena through permissiveness.
Drew still needed rules.
Bedtime.
Homework.
No punching.
No endless snacks.
The first time I grounded him from video games, he shouted:
“You’re like Mom!”
That destroyed me for five minutes.
Then I recovered.
“No.”
“I hate you.”
“Okay.”
“Let me play!”
“No.”
Safe parenting includes children being angry at boundaries.
The difference is not:
No consequences.
It is:
Consequences are not fear, pain, hunger, or confinement.
He stayed mad.
Then played Lego.
I stopped measuring safety by whether children liked me every minute.
Aaron had struggled with that too.
May you like
Maybe all parents do.
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