Chapter 16 - Why Amanda Still Had the Pendant
The question bothered Claire most.
Why keep it?
Amanda answered in treatment and later gave permission for the answer to be shared.
She had taken the pendant from Ruby after a difficult supervised visit.
At first:
Just for the evening.
Then overnight.
Then she told Eric:
“The therapist said we should reduce triggers.”
The therapist had not said that.
Eric asked where the pendant was.
Amanda said:
“Safe.”
When reunification came, Amanda packed Ruby’s belongings.
The pendant was in Amanda’s locked desk.
She saw it.
Held it.
Could have packed it.
Did not.
Why?
She said:
“I wanted one thing that proved I had been her mother too.”
She had never legally been Ruby’s mother.
But emotionally she had done night feedings? Ruby was three, no feedings. Bedtime, preschool, illness, nightmares.
For months, Amanda had performed maternal care.
Then the placement ended.
She experienced that as bereavement.
No rituals.
No legal recognition of grief.
No photographs on the wall.
No right to ask Claire for updates.
Keeping the pendant became a private theft of memory.
Not financially valuable.
Emotionally unethical.
Years later, she knew that.
Still kept it.
She did not look at it often.
She moved it from apartment to apartment.
Locked drawer.
A reminder of what she lost and what she had done.
On the wedding day, she had taken out old family jewelry while deciding what to wear.
The pendant came out with it.
Then the stylist interrupted.
Drawer remained partly open.
Sophie wandered in after the flower-girl photographs.
Found shiny object.
Put it in basket.
No plot.
No secret messenger.
No one sent Sophie.
Chance.
Amanda noticed the pendant missing just before I entered.
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And a twenty-month-old became the closest person to blame.
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