Chapter 25 - Vanessa’s letter
Two years after the incident, Vanessa requested permission through counsel to send a letter.
No direct contact.
The no-contact order had expired with probation conditions modified after completion, but everyone agreed communication should remain mediated.
Noah was five.
His therapist reviewed the letter first.
Then Claire and I did.
Vanessa wrote:
Noah,
When you were three, I became angry because you did not behave the way I wanted.
I treated your normal feelings like something you were doing to me.
There.
I used long time-outs and food rules to make you obey.
There.
I put you in a dog cage.
There.
That was wrong.
There.
You did not cause it.
There.
You were not a bad child.
There.
You did not need to earn food, family, or your father’s love.
There.
I am sorry.
No:
I was stressed.
No:
Wedding pressure.
No:
Your father misunderstood.
Good.
We asked Noah:
“Do you want to hear a letter from Vanessa?”
He thought.
“No.”
That was it.
We did not read it.
The letter stayed with his therapist’s file.
At six he could ask later.
At sixteen.
Never.
Apology does not create a duty to receive it.
May you like
That lesson adults struggle with more than children.
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