Chapter 21 - Eli’s anger at me
For months, Eli barely blamed Simone in therapy.
He blamed me.
“You left.”
“Yes.”
“You always left.”
“I traveled.”
“Same.”
Not exactly.
Emotionally, to him, maybe.
“I called.”
“She was there.”
“Yes.”
“You asked if I was okay.”
“Yes.”
“What was I supposed to say?”
I had no answer.
Then:
“You always sounded tired.”
That hurt.
“Did that make you think you couldn’t tell me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because you’d come home mad and then leave again.”
There.
He had imagined disclosure would create a fight, not safety.
Why?
Because our household had no model for what happened if he accused Simone.
I had spent years saying:
“We’re a team.”
“Listen to Simone.”
“Don’t play adults against each other.”
Normal parenting phrases.
Inside the wrong environment, they became walls.
I told him:
“I’m sorry.”
He said:
“You keep saying.”
Fair.
Apology required behavior.
So I changed travel.
Created private check-ins.
Made sure Patricia remained available.
Stopped asking:
Are you okay?
Too easy to answer.
Instead:
Anything happen this week you want help with?
Different.
Not perfect.
May you like
Better.
────────────────────
