Chapter 11 - My Lamp Strike
The prosecutor reviewed my use of force.
I was seventeen.
I entered.
Saw a pillow pressed onto Leo’s face.
I struck Valerie once with the closest object available.
Then stopped.
Removed the pillow.
Picked up Leo.
I did not continue attacking her after she fell.
The prosecutor declined charges.
Defense of another person.
Immediate threat.
No reasonable opportunity to safely negotiate with someone apparently suffocating an infant.
Grandpa said:
“Told you.”
I answered:
“Your case is different.”
He scowled.
My therapist later told me something important.
“Legal justification does not mean the experience leaves no psychological mark.”
I had nightmares about the lamp.
Sometimes in the dream I missed.
Sometimes I hit too hard.
Sometimes there was no Leo in the crib.
For weeks I hated being congratulated.
People called me brave.
I had been terrified.
May you like
That was allowed.
Fear and courage can occupy the same three seconds.
